The amount of times I have found myself holding back a friends hair, as she is throwing up in the toilet after a heavy “break-up binge”, must be in the hundreds. And they always ask the same thing; why? But sometimes relationships just end, often without reason and sometimes, both men and women, simply run out of love, even if there was tons of it in the beginning.
And even the most mutual of splits usually hurts one party more than the other, which takes time to heal. But there is a point when you realise that you’re not going to die from a broken heart. And that you just need to get over it and back in the saddle, so to speak.
There are so many pathetic excuses to why partners won’t answer the dreaded “where’s this actually going?” question, and if he/she answers with “I don’t know” they really mean a) I’m too cowardly to tell you the truth and deal with confrontation and b) please do the dirty work for me because I don’t want to hurt your feelings even more than I already have.
If they truly wanted to be with you they’d know it and would do whatever they could to make it work.
And yes I know its tough at first, but trust me you will get over it… Eventually. But in the meantime please bear in mind the following points:
#1) don’t check his/her messages. EVER! a) its illegal, b) it makes you seem crazy and c)anything you find will only make it worse or confirm your worst fears. Save yourself the indignity of checking his email, voicemail, snail mail or whatever and just assume the worst… He’s dating Megan Fox/ she’s dating Robert Pattinson… Deal with it!
#2) obsessively checking his/her email and voicemail is so not cool. Neither is cyber stalking on Twitter. So please stop.
#3) before you dial their number, ask yourself “do I really want to make this call?” As much as you may want to, the answer to the question is NO! so put the phone down and step away from the table.
#4) remember the maths: alcohol+phone= danger, alcohol+texts= danger and alcohol+camera phone= all over facebook, Twitter and other social networks.
#5) even if you have a with-held number, they will still know it is you calling… So don’t do it! It won’t win him/her back, it will only gain you a visit from the police for nuisance calling.
#6) going cold turkey is a bitch, but its the only way to break any addictions. And yes that includes obsessive phone calls, emails and IMs to your ex. If your ex is not communicating, its because they don’t want to. Sorry to be harsh but that’s just the way it is.
When we deal with a break-up the best way most men deal with it is by drinking with the lads, looking for a rebound girl, and going home with someone who they don’t know the name of, only to call her by their exes name half way through sex.
Most women, on the other hand, deal with it by a bottle of wine, pot of ice cream, a girls night with her best friends and the “I cannot believe we’re over” conversations, accompanied with a box of kleenex.
But what’s wrong with that? You ask… Well for a start alcohol is a depressant and will only make you feel worse about the situation.
Rebound sex is never a good thing as it reminds you of what you have lost, especially the next morning.
And the ice cream part, well I don’t need to say that you will regret that tub of Ben & Jerry’s when you can’t get into your favourite jeans, do I? In other words, all of this only makes you drunker, fatter and more depressed. Its a downward spiral which isn’t hurting the other person, its only hurting you.
Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever you’re into will only numb the pain. It will be right back once the temporary high wears off. So don’t even go there… If you can help it, I know diving straight for the bottle of alcohol and sitting in bed might seem like the best thing in the world, but trust me, it really isn’t.
Remember the rebound rules:
#1) do not rebound with anyone who compromises your job or makes or difficult for you to go into work.
#2) try to pick someone who you’d be drawn to in normal (aka sober or non-rebound) circumstances.
#3) the cutter the better.
#4) don’t go all the way when just a base hit will satisfy your ego. No need to go all the way unless you 100% know you won’t feel like shit afterwards.
#5) if you’re too drunk to drive, you’re too drunk to make decisions. Abort mission and find a taxi to take you home. Although give yourself bonus points if you get a cute taxi driver.
#6) stay away from friends of your ex, your friends and best friends exes. Never a good rebound move, and will cause more harm than good in the long run.
#7) buy sex toys or invest in some good porno dvds. They never call, hack into your emails or cyber stalk you.
#8) cool or jaded, sex is still intimate. No matter how much bondage equipment is used. No matter what people say there is no such thing as no-strings attached sex. Not even after one night stands.
#9) the person you are having sex with also has feelings. You have to respect that, as well as their wishes.
#10) before you start and hunt for the rebound person, you must be comfortable with the thought of being with another person. Nothing screams rebound like crying to a stranger about your ex, especially after having sex with them.
#11) if they have a wedding ring on… STAY AWAY! Nothing makes you feel more depressed then knowing you have done to someone what your ex did to you. Trust me, been there, done it and have the guilty feelings to prove it.
Remember; fun does not always need to come at the expense of your dignity, weight or brain cells.
Your ex is an ex for a reason! Move on and find someone who deserves you.